I have discovered there are certain catch phrases that get my attention on a regular basis anymore.
They are phrases that I have heard said about three of my children. They are phrases that are meant to set a tone
for action and understanding. Anymore
with me, they perk my ears up and cause me to stop in my tracks. What are these phrases?
If only he would apply himself.
She needs to take her school work more seriously.
He just doesn’t seem to be performing up to his ability
level.
She is just being lazy.
He just needs to buckle down and put forth more effort.
I have heard all these phrases applied to my kids,
especially Ben. If you talk to him, you
can tell he is very bright, possibly gifted.
Then you look at his work or test scores and assume that he is just a
lazy child who isn’t taking things seriously.
Honestly, you couldn’t be further from the truth. In elementary school, Ben came home almost
every night exhausted. He had spent so
much of his day trying to concentrate and hear what was going on that he was
just done at the end of the school day.
His outgoing like-able personality is honestly what kept that child in
the good graces of his teachers.
What are teachers really saying when they make a comment
such as those above? They are saying that through observation, they have seen that the child is either average or
above average intelligence level. But
the work they are turning in is not.
They are saying that this child should be getting excellent grades on
tests, but he is not. When that
happens, they are assuming that the child is not trying as hard as they
can.
Any more, these phrases from teachers cause me to really
pause. What I have learned in the
past 10 years of working with learning disabled kids is that every one of them
has put forth their best effort. Some of
them have put forth their best effort for years only to have subpar grades and
be called lazy. None of these average to
above average children asked to be considered slow or lazy. They often have to work two or three times
harder than their peers to get grades that are far lower.
Eventually, they don’t try as hard. Eventually their self esteem suffers. Eventually they question themselves and start
to feel inferior.
As I talk with groups of teachers, I think that is one of
the take aways I want them to leave with.
If you are thinking that a child in your classroom is not performing up
to his or her ability level, I want them to start trying to figure out why.
I just wanted to take a moment to say thanks for this post. I have found this hit quite close to 'home.' My child has suffered SO much of this type of 'commentary' from 'well-meaning (yet mis-informed & mis-guided) 'authority' figures - she is actually suffering from depression and PTSD from it. (this and all the other dynamics that CAPD gifts)
ReplyDeleteAlthough part of me is completely frustrated and angry from it, I also recognize that people that do not have CAPD issue cannot possibly understand or relate. They are doing the best they can with the knowledge and understanding they have.
To share an example: Given the slow processing that comes with CAPD, additional time has been given to complete tests. As well, a 'quiet' testing location. The problem is, what is 'quiet' to a non-CAPD verses someone that has CAPD, it's two totally different things. As my child sits in the room, with several other students and teachers whispering, tapping pencils, shuffling papers, entering and exiting the room, there is no difference from sitting in the noisy classroom.
I could give endless examples - but I am sure everyone that visits your blog has their own to draw upon. It is just a shame that on top of the personal struggle, all the external struggles compound - the worst of all, judgements and criticisms. (feels like character assassination)
I happen to have CAPD as well. As an adult I can advocate for myself - but for children (who are supposed to fall in line) the path is more difficult.
Anyway... I just wanted to let you know this resonated. :)
Thank you! The concept of quiet is one I have learned to explain to others. It is so true that what is quiet for me is not that way to my kids or my husband. I usually hear of depression as a result of the prosodic presentation of APD... does your child struggle with tones and volume?
DeleteMy oldest has struggled with depression, bullying and fitting in. By tones, do you mean like a persons tone of voice? Or different tones, like musical scale? Volume is actually more a struggle with child two and four, two being the worse with it.
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